For the last three months, I have been carefully listening to my 60- or 70-something friends, especially during unguarded conversations.  Without my friends’ knowledge, much less their conscious intention, they are programming themselves by the following statements.

 “I’m too old to learn (Spanish, the piano, etc.).”  

 Fortunately the latest neuroscience research proves that brain cells grow throughout the lifespan.  Even faster if we challenge ourselves with something novel, complicated, and physical, such as dance steps or painting.  The surprising plasticity of the brain supports that old dogs can, indeed, learn new tricks.  Due to years of reflected experience, more related facts, and multiple perspectives, we actually comprehend and adapt ideas quicker than younger people.  By taking the risks of learning something new and exciting, we extend our boundaries and continue the adventure of life.

 “I hate my (neck, hands, wrinkles, thighs, etc.).”

Although the title of a book that is supposed to be funny, this sentiment, with its implied self-hate, murders any acceptance of our changing bodies and faces.  Sure, I’m not as slim, curvy, smooth, or moist as I used to be; nevertheless, my body deserves to hear words of love and encouragement.  It has served me well these many years and should not be victimized by the cultural bias.  If life-affirming words such as love, gratitude, and beautiful can affect the formation of ice crystals, imagine what they can do to our bodies which are 70% water! Aging and gravity are natural; let’s honor the process – body and soul.

“I have to (take my medicine, exercise, meditate, etc.).”

Words like have to, should, ought, and must are heavy words, full of guilt, blame, and shame. We rarely follow through when using such words because we feel obligated to do something rather than excited.   In contrast, words of choice, such as prefer, choose to, and want, energize us.  Instead of meditating because I should, I meditate because I want to. I prefer to exercise this morning rather than skip it.  This subtle shift changes our entire attitude about committing the time and energy to any practice or habit, thereby, insuring that we will actually do it.

“I can’t remember (her name, that word, etc.). Another darn senior moment.”

This slang phrase reflects the current ageist stereotype that associates growing older with deficiency and memory loss.  It’s not necessarily true.  The neural traces in our brain are created and strengthened through repetition.  Therefore, the adage “use it or lose it” is more accurate.  In most of our “senior moments,” we trying to retrieve information that we have not used recently; we blame our memories when, in fact, the blame lies in a weakened neural trace, because we have not accessed the information in just this way in a long time.  I have replaced this self-fulfilling prophecy with “I can remember anything that I want to remember.” which affirms the act of remembering – another, but unheralded, senior moment.

“Look where you’re driving, you old hag (or old fart)!”

The older person driving too slowly or too cautiously is our future self.  If she is an old hag now, we will become one later.  If we are tolerant and compassionate towards her now, we’ll react the same way towards ourselves later.  The reason that we consider her an “old hag” is that she is catching our projections (unowned and denied fears) of being slow, feeble minded, and useless.  If we try to see her courage, beauty, and determination, then we are allowing ourselves to grow into those positive traits instead of the negative ones.

In Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, my favorite philosopher Richard Bach wrote, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.”  This is true for anyone, at any time, at any age.  What we say aloud to others, and inwardly to ourselves, not only reflects our attitudes and fears, but also forms them. If repeated often with enough conviction, the unconscious will help make whatever we expect happen.  We are in control of what we say, therefore, what we become.  So, watch your language and grow into the vibrant, beautiful, mindful, and compassionate woman that you envision and that you see all around you.