Every day approximately 2,500 women become sixty.  They are a small percentage of the almost ten million women in the US who will turn sixty in the next five years. This benchmark birthday, whether celebrated or resented, usually stimulates a serious reconsideration of work, commitments, relationships, and lifestyles. For many of us, the limiting and insulting cultural stereotypes of growing old just do not fit. Even though we crave a new vision of aging, our consumer, youth-obsessed society offers few alternatives.  But there is better way, which I call the Wise Woman’s Way. Due to the great number of older women who want to experience life with renewed purpose, passion, and pleasure, the time of the Inner Feminine Elder, the archetype of the Wise Woman, is approaching. 

I desired such an alternative, but with no cultural guides or gurus, I had to find my own way.  I did not want the retirement scenario of my parents or grandparents.  On the other hand, I did not want to defy my natural aging process in unhealthy ways. In order to view growing older as a wonderful experience, not to be vainly delayed, I had to de-program the current American cultural conditioning and re-program with the wisdom from various psychological perspectives and spiritual traditions. I wanted to be happy about growing older, not sad.  I wanted to be proud of my years of lived experience, not ashamed.  Yes, I definitely needed a new vision of being older that reclaims the responsibility and status that other cultures and previous times have bestowed on older women. With intention and study, I tapped into the power and promise of the universal archetype of the Wise Woman and discovered the importance of initiation into the role and rewards of elderhood.

Need for Initiation to Wise Womanhood

Some women thrive in their later years while others stagnate, the difference is clear: the satisfied are able to assume a different identity and find a new purpose, other than their former role, job, or profession.  The unsatisfied cling to the past, earlier accomplishments, or relationships.  With no cultural rites of passage, it is difficult for women to create meaning and renew vigor as they grow older. The Wise Woman’s Way stimulates and guides readers through the initiatory experience that our modern American society lacks. This book unfolds a whole new way of living that will help you make a satisfying transition to the latter third of your life, thereby, changing your image of aging to reflect what it indeed is: an adventure in living! 

            You may be thinking that only baby boomers would want a book on how to grow old.  Only we could turn aging into a self-help topic. After all, one just grows old and dies. What is there to learn about that? 

The main impression I had as a young adult was this: grow old gracefully.  A message which really means turn over your power and money, and be invisible, silent, and gracious. This impression came from watching television and movies as well as from hearing the following comments:

 Ø      “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.”

Ø      “I’m too old to change or do something new.”

Ø      “What do you expect, my useful years are over?”

Ø      “It’s no wonder I’m grouchy.  I’m old.”

These are not the pronouncements for the latter years of my life. 

If you also do not agree with these and would rather ---

 Ø      See through the cultural stereotypes and images.

Ø      Create an alternative vision for growing older

Ø      Discover and relate to your Wise Woman Within.

Ø      Experience more serenity, reverence, balance, joy,

wisdom, purpose, and passion.

Then, read this book and change the way you experience life. 

But your life is already changing.  You are no longer the youthful woman you used to be.  You may be preparing to, or want to, or have already left the workforce to retire from full-time employment.  Or like me, you must work full-time for a few more years, but you want to experience working differently so life is less stressful and more enjoyable.  Or, perhaps you have worked sporadically, rearing children and taking care of relatives, and want to be more excited about the years ahead.  Whether you are working full-time, slowly phasing out, retired, or changing lifestyles, you are in a major transition.  A time of suspension between identities – who you were before (at work, at home, or in the community) and who you are becoming (an elder).  This book will help you traverse this unknown terrain by providing a relationship with the archetype of the Wise Woman to give you a vision to grow into and a guide to accompany you on the upcoming quest.

Unlike other books on retirement preparation or aging, Wise Woman’s Way does not deal with pension plans, health care, housing options, relocation choices, medical ethics, or physiological decline. Many excellent resources address these important issues. This book focuses on the deeper, emotional responses to this stage of life.  Wise Woman’s Way views turning sixty-something or retiring as the threshold to elderhood – the internal journey necessary to becoming a new person with a different, a counter-cultural perspective on living, relating, and aging.  Your Ageless Self – that totality of your personality and spiritual essence that considers time unimportant, mistakes impossible, and life sacred – is the promise of an initiated elder.

Are you ready?  Let’s begin.  Consider yourself an Apprentice Wise Woman from this page onward.

How to Use this Book

 After reading the material and completing the exercises, you will be able to:

Ø      Recognize the cultural stereotypes in the media and in other people’s limitations of growing older.

Ø      Develop a more positive and more attractive vision to grow towards.

Ø      Put your past life events and hurts into perspective to create space for an emerging identity with new direction and purpose.

Ø      Begin and maintain a relationship with your Inner Wise

Woman so your new identity will flourish.

Ø      Celebrate the passage and share your intention to age consciously with family and friends. 

Serving as a mentor-in-print, the book guides you through the five stages of initiation into elderhood that our society lacks:

 1)   Preparing for the Initiation

2)   Creating a Vision

3)   Honoring Loss

4)   Inviting Renewal

5)   Celebrating Wise Womanhood. 

Without initiation to elderhood people get stuck in the emotions and roles of their youth.  I’m sure you know a few people like this; they refuse to change.  In contrast, after a successful initiation, people are reborn into a radically different way of being. They emerge regenerated with an integrated, whole personality ready to welcome the responsibilities and rewards of a true elder. 

 Wise Woman’s Way can be read alone or studied with another woman or a group of women who want to share the journey.  Much can be gained from the lived experiences of other women. You will learn how others cope with the same feelings; therefore, your emotions seem less overwhelming.  The partnership or group creates contagious energy, with supportive friends providing impetus, encouragement, and acceptance for each other’s efforts. 

The information and activities in each chapter are designed to help you discover and relate to your Wise Woman Within.  Having such an image, a vision, is extremely important for personal growth.  The chapters present a practical blend of life-span theory, feminine psychology, archetypal approaches, mythological perspectives, and retirement transition information.  The primary organizing principles come from the theories and practices of the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, because I believe that this perspective has the most to contribute to the challenges of aging. Jung’s emphasis on personality wholeness and images offers fascinating and realistic ways to decrease unconscious resistance and increase vitality.

This book is structured to enhance your reading comprehension by posing introductory questions that each chapter addresses and by using boldface print and context clues for terminology that may be unfamiliar to you (use the Glossary for exact definitions). The In Her Own Voice sidebars present Wise Women models, real women, not celebrities, whose lives were changed by living the Wise Woman’s Way.  They are role models for how initiated elders relate to self and others.The end-of-the-chapter exercises and activities help you apply the ideas to your internal and external worlds. Through action, insights are transformed from abstractions into reality.  Since after awareness you have to take a risk and try something different for permanent change, each of the ten chapters concludes with the following activities that translate insight into action: 

Ø      Writing, art, movement and/or dreamwork activities.

Ø      Reflection questions to stimulate symbolic thinking.

Ø      Activities to integrate a new behavior into your lifestyle.

Ø      Rituals to evoke and honor the transformative energies.    

Be courageous.  Have an open mind and experiment with the activities and ideas with a sense of play and adventure.

At the end of each chapter, you will also be asked to develop a Declaration of Intention.  Intention is an often misunderstood and underestimated act.  It is one of the most powerful tools to create the kind of energy and life that we want.  An aerobic instructor once told my fitness class to “think about the muscle you’re exercising.  Don’t just throw out an arm or a leg.  Visualize and intend to extend your leg to just the right spot.  It’s not how high the leg goes, but how controlled is the tension that impacts the muscles.”  This helped me tremendously. What works for the body, also works for the soul.

Intention arises out of our decision to pursue or not to pursue a specific goal.  So, actually, “doing nothing about it” is an intention, although it may not be a conscious decision.  We optimize the power of personal commitment and align ourselves with our concept of the Sacred when we articulate and act on a clear intention.

Finally, you must be honest when completing the exercises and activities.  Wishful thinking, blaming others, and self-deception will not change your attitude.  These reactions won’t help you discover your Inner Wise Woman, and therefore, create a more satisfying future.  Telling the truth -- admitting to fears, abuses, and weaknesses -- is extremely hard, even to ourselves.

Because lasting transformation takes time, it’s best to read, to study, to reflect, and to complete the exercises and activities over an extended period.  Do not skim through the contents and expect satisfying change.  Habitual ways of thinking and reacting took years to form; replacing them with new habits also takes time.  Start by devoting a week to each chapter.  First read it, highlighting and writing in the margins as you go.  Read actively; have a discussion or a debate with me.  Then put the book down for a few days.  Think about what you read.  Carry the ideas around for a bit.  Then skim over the chapter contents.  Select which exercises and activities you want to do and plan your week to include the necessary time commitments.  This may take a week, or longer, depending on your schedule.  When you have finished, write a Declaration of Intention that represents a new behavior that you plan to do.  Return frequently to review your written responses, drawings, and reactions.  This review helps you recognize the growth that is taking place.

Creating a Personal Vision

 I am a baby boomer.  I have worked ever since receiving a Bachelor of Arts degree at twenty-two years of age.  Although I remained in the same career, I have changed jobs and locations seven times.  I have been married twice.  I have been a stepmother and am now a grandmother.  I just turned sixty.  A few years ago I would have lamented or apologized for that, but not now.

            I wrote this book for at least two reasons.  First of all, I stumbled, fumbled, and cursed my way through the mid-life crisis.  Fortunately, I found books that helped me initiate myself, so to speak, to the next stage of life.  In the process, I took graduate coursework in Jungian and archetypal psychology and performed the necessary psychological work to successfully grow through this crisis.  After that experience, I really don’t want the next passage to be so disrupting, disconcerting and surprising.  I want to reap the knowledge gained so far and be ready when the next major life transition begins stirring. 

            The second reason for writing the book relates to something Richard Bach, one of my favorite philosophers, wrote in Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.  The Messiah’s Handbook states, “You teach best what you most need to learn.”  Like most baby boomers, I need to view aging differently in order to enjoy the remaining years as much as the earlier ones.  Consequently, as I conducted the research, taught the workshops, interviewed the elders, and synthesized the material, I was the primary learner.   As I wrote this book, I was also being written by it.  That is, by focusing on the archetype of the Wise Woman, I was slowly growing into her perspectives, reactions, and relationships, experiencing Wise Woman consciousness more and more often.

            Another insightful quote that stimulated my desire to write was expressed by David Hare: “The act of writing is the act of discovering what you believe.”  This thought was true up to a certain point. After finishing the book, I had to modify the quote to reflect the totality of my experience: “The act of writing is the act of choosing and creating what you want to believe.”  Writing the Wise Woman’s Way was my initiation to Wise Womanhood, during which I chose and created the beliefs about late life that will determine how I perceive and experience aging.  It has been a journey of discovery and creation for me.  I hope it is for you, too.

Responses to the Wise Woman’s Way

 Participants in my workshops are delighted when they encounter the concepts of archetypal elderhood.  Even women in their seventies feel affirmed for the first time.  One woman with eighty years of life experience said, “Your class, for me, has been the most fulfilling program I have ever attended.” Another wrote, “Just when I thought the future would ‘just happen,’ a new challenging, inspiring, and wonderful event happened – this class and these ideas.” At the ceremony at end of one workshop, the group adopted the motto: “The Best is yet to Be!” Let this be your motto as the Wise Woman’s Way guides you through the initiation into a vibrant and satisfying elderhood, one full of purpose and passion.